Reaching the Stars
by RAandLRforever
Summary: What if it was all a dream. What if Gus didn't die and there was still hope for a special kind of miracle or at least more time for Hazel and Gus to spend together. Hazel looks for answers on how to help save Gus while still fighting the battle herself. I do not own any of the characters!
1. The Nightmare

Chapter 1: The Nightmare

I awoke with a start. My body was covered in sweat and my heart was racing so fast that I could feel it beating against my chest. Even though I had my biPAP on I was struggling for breath more than normal.

"Please tell me it was a dream. Please God tell me it was a dream!" I panted as I reached for my cell phone.

I yanked the biPAP off my face as the phone began to dial. It rang three times before going to voicemail.

"No!" I cried out. I was so disorientated. I looked at the clock. It was only 11:37 at night. He should still be up…if it was a dream. Why didn't he answer? It had to be a dream. I dialed the oh so familiar number but the response was the same.

"Mom!" I cried out reaching for my nasal cannula. By this point with the panic and having my biPAP off for more than a few minutes my lungs were burning for air. At this point I had started to cry.

"Hazel?" My mom asked frantically running into my room her already pale face looking more gaunt and pale with the dim light from the hallway shinning on her fragile exhausted frame.

"Mom. Gus? Mom…" was all I could squeak out before letting loose to my hysteria.

"Oh Hazel. Did Mrs. Waters call?" she asked sitting beside me pulling me into her.

"Call? So its true? It wasn't a nightmare after all?" I blurted out into a loud heavy sob.

Just then my phone vibrated in my hand. I had forgotten that I had it in a death grip. Gus appeared on the caller ID.

"Gus?!" I blubbered into the phone.

"No Hazel, this is his mother. Gus is resting right now. The round of chemo today really took a toll on him. I heard his phone go off twice and when I saw it was you I thought it could be important so I called back. Is everything alright?"

"He's alive!" I exclaimed into the phone my body shaking with the dramatic change of emotion.

"Yes." His mother replied in a worried tone.

"I am so happy. I had this terrible dream that we had lost him and it just felt so real. I just can't believe it. I have to see him!"

"Hazel it's almost midnight." Both mothers said at the same time.

"Please I need to. It's important."

There was silence on the other line before she finally replied. "I know that he would want to see you if you're this upset to help you relax. I suppose if your parents can drive you but only for a few. You both need your rest."

"Mom can you please drive me over there. Please. I have to see it for myself that he is still here."

"I suppose. Let me change." Mom said a concerned smile across her face. I know she worried about the day that my dream could come true. She knows that a huge part of me will die if I lost him. But I don't allow myself to think that way. If God could give me my miracle then He could save Augustus. He is so much more deserving of a miracle than I am.

The ride over to his house seemed to take an eternity. I know that it was really only a fifteen minute drive but by the time I reached his front door it seemed like a week had passed. As I knocked on the door his mother immediately opened it.

"Please come in." the same tired concerned smile on her face that my mom had permanently on her's. "He's down stairs." She nodded at me. I simply nodded back before walking as fast as I could lugging my oxygen tank along behind me.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs I saw the outline of his body curled up in bed. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that the last time I saw him in my dream was when we were closing his casket at his funeral. I walked over and lifted the blanket curling up next to him. He was overly warm and smelled of the toxic smell of chemo. Even though I have had it off and on the last three years it is a smell you never really get used to. But this time I welcomed it because it meant he was still here beside me.

He slowly turned toward me, awkwardly wrapping an arm around me.

"Hazel Grace." A dry wraspy voice responded.

"No Isaac." I murmured in my best Isaac impersonation.

"I am so glad you're here but how? Why?" he asked his voice slowly starting to sound like my Gus.

"I had a bad dream and I missed you. I missed this." I said referring to the cuddling.

After getting back from Amsterdam and getting the news of Gus's diagnosis, there hasn't been much time for cuddling. He was usually very sick and weak and visitors were limited due to his compromised immune system. He was on his third round of experimental treatment and it seemed this one wasn't doing much better than any of the others. I had recently become more spiritual because at this point prayer was my last resort in saving Gus.

"This is the best form of treatment right here. Being with the one I love. I wish you never had to leave." He kissed the top of my hair.

I wished this too. Neither of us were going to live to a ripe old age of 80. It only seemed fair that we got to spend every moment of what we have left together. I could hear him breathing heavily. I knew he was asleep. I laid their holding Gus listening to him breathe, feeling his chest rise and fall beneath my arm. I felt like for the first time in many years I was able to take a deep breath and relax. My eyes became very heavy and I let myself go to a place where only happy dreams occur and that's in my Gus's arms.


	2. Argentina

Disclaimer: I forgot to mention in my previous chapter that I do not own any of the characters. They belong to John Green.

Chapter 2: Argentina

I awoke to my mom gently shaking my shoulder. I wanted to protest that I wanted to lie in Gus's embrace the rest of the night, but I knew Phillip would be empty soon so the fight would be a moot point. I looked over at Augustus who was sleepily smiling back at me. That crooked smile was almost all that was recognizable on his face. He had lost so much muscle tone and his shaggy soft hair was now replaced by a smooth bald head. I couldn't help but love him more and more.

"You better get home Hazel Grace." He said pulling me into him for one last hug.

"Call me in the morning as soon as you feel up to it. Okay?" I said still not moving from my comfy spot.

"Okay."

"Okay."

I couldn't sleep the rest of the night. I laid there listening to the sound of the dragon breathing in and out in my room. Augustus had done so much for me. Giving me his wish so that I could get answers to questions that had been pawing at me for years. And now look at what is happening. I am slowing losing him day by day. I could not allow that. If there was a miracle for me, such as Phalanxifor, then there had to be something for Gus. I reached for my laptop that I had slid under my bed. I stared at the search engine for nearly five minutes. The blank box almost mocked me as if it knew that there would be no answer for what I was trying to think of to ask. I finally typed in "Osteosarcoma Treatments" and hit go. Several treatments that Gus had already had and failed flooded my screen. By the time I got to the sixth page something caught my eye. The same doctor that had headed the research for Phalanxifor had been working with an herbal supplements and natives from Argentina and have had some successful trials in cases of numerous illnesses with osteosarcoma being one of them. Unfortunately the treatments could only be performed in Argentina because it had not been passed by the FDA for use in America yet.

"Oh Gus." I whispered. "If only you hadn't used your wish on me. You could've wished to go to Argentina and maybe just maybe had a future again."

As a tear slid down my face I shut my lap top and slumped back down into my bed. As much as I had needed Augustus; maybe I was the worst thing that happened to him.

I awoke the next morning dreading going to class. With everything happening with Gus, I felt like class was pointless. There is so much more to life when you know you're dying soon. I would much rather be sitting in the park near _Funky Bones_ enjoying the sunlight, the smells of flowers and the chirping of birds then sitting in a dark lecture hall listening to a teacher drone on about something that wouldn't matter to me once I am gone. I mainly still go for my mom. She needs to have some time to herself and to let herself believe that I can still be a somewhat normal teenager. I also go because it distracts me from not being able to talk to Gus while he is at treatment or sleeping.

As soon as class was over I saw mom sitting in the parking lot going over budgets and the check book. Even though my mets weren't growing and the Phalanxifor seemed to be working that didn't seem to make things any easier for the bank account. The price for Phillip alone each month would cause any middle class family financial issues. I knew I could not ask my parents to help fund a trip to Argentina. I had to try and come up with another solution. Just as I was sliding into the car I had a text from Augustus.

_Hey sorry for late reply. I woke up late and Isaac came to visit. Hope your morning is well Hazel Grace. I love you. Okay_

_I love you too. Forever and okay. _

The mention of Isaac gave me an idea.

"Hey mom, do you mind driving me to support group?"

"Why sure." She smiled. I knew she would be happy that I go. I haven't been since returning from Amsterdam. I just hope they won't let me down.


End file.
